January 2010
36 posts
My Roommate Mike Reinterprets A Beatles Song
I was humming “I’m Only Sleeping” by the Beatles tonight while cleaning up my drawing space. Mike started singing along, although his lyrics were slightly … well, they were wrong.
“Seldom do I wake up in the morning, I’m still sleeping!”
He also got the melody wrong.
Nobody likes getting eaten
jessicahschwab:
Graded Today:
“When finished reading Silverstein’s “Point of View,” many people will get the wrong theme. Reading the phrase, “Oh how I once loved tuna salad,” tells the reader that he doesn’t love it anymore because he realized it’s wrong to eat animals. They will think Silverstein wants us to stop eating animals, but that’s not it. It’s true that they don’t like getting...
tylerchapple:
The next voice to speak up was not the Lieutenant’s but mine. My mouth was dry, and my groin felt damp. I said I didn’t give a good God damn what Mrs. Fedder had to say on the subject of Seymour. Or, for that matter, what any professional dilettante or amateur bitch had to say. I said that from the time Seymour was ten years old, every summa-cum-laude Thinker and intellectual...
"the Pickaxe"
ronenreblogs:
themadeshop:
sethkent:
Me: Marke, should I get the pickaxe or the garden burger? Marke: Whats the pickaxe? Me: It’s a regular burger with bacon, avacado, jack cheese and grilled onions. Marke: So this is a joke?
(incedentaly, the whole table then preceded to order the pickaxe. We are all tired)
Hudson Bar and Books
Tonight, after having a vegan dinner (so … a weird snack) with Stacie and Chris, Ronen and I caught up over a drink at Hudson Bar and Books. Which means I drank four Bullett Bourbons and Ronen drank two glasses of water. I also drank two glasses of water.
Anyway, catching-up conversation ensued.
ME: “So, did I tell you that I might be falling in love?”
RONEN: ...
Mixing Metaphors
Marcus fixed my Zippo lighter tonight:
MARCUS: “Is it working now?”
ZACHARY: “Yeah. It works like a glove.”
The Great Ronen
CHRIS: Do you have Ronen’s number?
ZACHARY: Yeah. 516-***-****.
CHRIS: (entering details into phone) What’s his last name?
ZACHARY: It’s … well, it’s … fuck if I know. Verbot or Verbit or something. (pause) Who the hell else do you know named Ronen?
CHRIS: Oh. Right.
Gay Teen Worried he Might be Christian →
themadeshop:
jennifermorris: (via rayannschuck)
Kristen Played Soccer
The following is something I wrote when I was seventeen. I read it tonight for the first time in years, and I’ve decided not to edit a thing. After all, this is how I wrote when I was seventeen, and who the hell am I now to edit me then? If anything, me then should probably edit me now, and erase this stupid disclaiming introduction altogether.
Anyway, I only provide this introduction...
“Angels or doctors I can’t afford,
But I can pay to get fucked up when I get...”
– Reva Williams, Gretel (via themadeshop)
A Single Man
I loved this film. And in (somewhat) related news: as soon as I have $5,000 laying around that I can comfortably live without, I intend to buy a Tom Ford suit.
http://screencrave.com/2009-12-09/interview-tom-ford-for-a-single-man/
The Warden: “Hey Zach, guess what?”
Me: “What?”
The Warden: “You smell like a butt.”
Me: (uproarious laughter)
My mom makes a joke
Our dog Tally’s eyes looked red to me today. I asked my mom about it.
Me: Mom, how come Tally’s eyes look so red?
My Mom: Hmm, I don’t know. Tally, have you been drinking?
Zing!
When I begin to put on weight in my advanced...
andrewx:
I plan on telling people, “I do my best to become a more well-rounded person every day.”
This is the first edition in Andrew’s on-going series, “Planned Puns.”
Andrew: Ad Man Extraordinaire and Co-Founder of the James Caimes Institute of Trickery and Gentleman Decorum.
“Daddy was an oil-tycoon, a Hearst-type, built a Xanadu to match then died...”
– Mark Ruffalo in The Brothers Bloom. This is my Ninth Viewing Observation: the way he says “hunting quail” and then looks up and slightly to the side, I think he made that part up. He was probably beside himself with glee whilst reading Bang Bang’s research: the whole scenario was too perfect, like...
“I actually have a surprisingly low IQ for how intelligent I think I am.”
– Zachary Johnson (via christopher-kuehl) (via themadeshop)
