Book Reviews
I haven’t been able to post any new drawings or paintings here for a long time because I’ve been working full-time on illustrating The Gospel According To Luke with my brother Marke at The Made Shop. The Gospel According To Luke is a book about a guy named Jesus, written from a guy named Luke’s perspective. The main character dies in the end, but don’t worry because three days later he miraculously comes back to life and flies into the sky and everyone is like, “Ooh! Wow! Awesome!” It’s a pretty good book.
Anyway, in the meantime I thought I’d post some old Book Reviews I wrote for Rian Johnson’s website a few years ago.
3/11/08
Book Reviews
Fantastic Mr. Fox
by Roald Dahl
I read this when I was about nine years old, and it made me want to be a fox who lived in a rich, cozy, imaginatively decorated little burrow underground. This is probably because I happened to read the version not illustrated by Quentin Blake. Among intelligent adults, Mr. Blake seems to be widely regarded as a terrific illustrator of beloved children’s books. And he might be, but as a nine-year old boy I thought his drawings were total pieces of shit.
James and the Giant Peach
by Roald Dahl
I read this when I was about ten years old, and it made me want to be a little orphaned boy who made friends with human-sized mutated insects inside a delicious, sumptuous-looking giant peach. This seems inexplicable on its own, so it was probably for the same reasons as above.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
by Roald Dahl
I read this when I was about ten and a half years old, and I loved it because at this time I started to realize that, contrary to what my unsuspecting parents believed, Roald Dahl was sort of seriously fucked up!
Danny the Champion of the World
by Roald Dahl
I read this when I was about eleven years old, on my brother Nathan’s recommendation, and I loved it. Nathan, incidentally, used to tell me great bedtime stories about a boy and a girl (named Priscilla, I still remember) who went on great adventures together all over the world. In one adventure they flew to Egypt together by riding on the wing of a 747 airplane, which is totally impossible.
Bruno and Boots:
This Can’t be Happening at Macdonald Hall
Beware the Fish
The War With Mr. Wizzle
by Gordon Korman
Taken from the Wikipedia entry: “Bruno and Boots is the name of a series of young adult novels by author Gordon Korman; they are arguably his most famous works.” There’s nothing arguable in that statement. I’ve spoken with the six people who have read these books, and they simply ARE his most famous works. I won’t fault Wikipedia for annoyingly using the word “arguably” though, because I wrote my own Wikipedia entry, so obviously any hack can be on there. My entire Wikipedia biography is arguable. Indeed, as my brother Marke once pointed out, saying “arguably” to ostensibly disclaim any statement that is inherently subjective by nature or cannot be scientifically measured, is pretentious and redundant, and anyone who does so is arguably an asshole.
Anyway, these three books are arguably the best books ever written.
Anna Karenina
by Leo Tolstoy
The fact that it took me nearly five whole months to make it half-way through this gigantic book has almost nothing to do with it being an extremely immense, complex, and intricately-woven epic, requiring devotion and dedicated perseverance from its readers, and almost everything to do with the fact that I was watching a lot of reality TV at the time. In the ongoing battle between Good and Evil, I like to think I’ve struck a pretty big blow for Evil. Fuck you, Russian literature! You ‘aint got shit on Flava Flav!
On Bullshit
by H. G. Frankfurt
I really enjoyed this little book (or hardcover-bound essay, to be precise), but this is what I hilariously told my brother Marke when I returned his lent copy to him: “Dude, that book was bullshit.”
Like I said, hilarious.
The Bible
by God
This is probably a really great book, but not if you have to read it nonconsecutively, a few randomly chosen chapters at a time, and then are made to memorize tons of individual verses by rote by your Bible teacher for a grade in a class at a private Christian school which will actually affect your high-school GPA and, conceivably, affect your chances of getting into a good college and ultimately leading a successful life.
But honestly. Imagine reading Harry Potter, all fun and shit, and then being like “Oh shit!” because you remember that you have to memorize large passages of its text and recite them verbatim for a test next week. By the time you hit your sophomore year in highschool, you’d probably be all like, “Fuck you, J. K. Rowling. I don’t even believe you exist.”
Lolita
by Vladimir Nabokov
Who knew that a dark, intensely drawn, complexly psychological novel about aberrant sexual behavior (namely, pedophilia) could be so hilarious? The dirty looks I got from Meredith whenever I laughed while reading this book were priceless. They also successfully made me feel bad about myself.
American Psycho
by Brett Easton Ellis
I tell people to read this book all the time, but nobody ever does. That’s usually because then I remember what’s in this book and mumble, “Actually, nevermind.”
The Yearling
by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
This book apparently won a Pulitzer in 1939. I don’t know why, though. It’s four hundred and sixteen pages long, and it’s about a boy and his adopted deer. Gay.
The Fountainhead
by Ayn Rand
I really love this book dearly, but like everyone else, I was a total asshole for two straight years after I read it. My friends claim this has nothing at all to do with reading this, or any, book, and also scoff loudly about the “two years” part, exclaiming, “Two years? Two years?! Please.”
My friends are assholes.
The Da Vinci Code
by Dan Brown
Everyone has read this book, and everyone thought it was totally awesome, so don’t even bother pretending like you haven’t read this book, or that you didn’t think it was totally awesome. Consider this: In his genius, unparalleled description of the physical appearance of lead character Robert Langdon, Brown actually drops all traditional literary methods and pretty much just says that Langdon looks like Harrison Ford.
To be perfectly clear: Brown doesn’t describe Harrison Ford’s features when introducing Langdon. He literally says that Langdon looks like Harrison Ford. Seriously.
Awesome? Totally!
My other favorite part is when Brown makes an incredibly culturally-savy joke that goes something like this:
Character 1: What book are you talking about?
Character 2: Only the best-selling book in history!
Character 1: (Gasp!) You mean Harry Potter?
Character 2: No! I mean The Bible!
Both Characters: Ha ha ha ha.
This book is so awesome that sometimes I can’t even believe it. In fact, the only thing more awesome than The Da Vinci Code was any book written by a Christian author actually taking The Da Vinci Code seriously.
“Oh shit! Dan Brown wrote a crappy fictional airplane novel which questions whether or not my belief system is valid! Please tell me somebody is writing a book to refute it, or else I might start to question the entire Judeo-Christian faith myself, because I’m a total idiot!”
“Stay calm, stay calm! We’ve got our best theologians on the job, because we’re total idiots too!”
“Oh, thank God. Could every church in America also make sure to spend an entire month of sermons devoted to refuting it when the hollywood movie version directed by Ron Howard and staring Tom Hanks comes out later this summer?”
“Yes.”
The Brothers Karamazov
by Fyodor Dostoevsky
I’ve never read a book greater in depth or scope. This masterpiece, completed shortly before Dostoevsky died, is about nothing less than the entirety of life and existence. I don’t know how anybody has had the balls to write a book since, but I respect anyone who has greatly. And that obviously includes women who have had the vaginas to write one.
20 notes
